Angela Killian

Since arriving in the United States after 5 years of expat life in Thailand, I’m sad to say that it no longer feels like home. The reverse culture shock was real when I stepped foot on US soil and realized that everyone had high expectations of what their lives should include- fast customer service with a smile, customization of everything from lattes to iPhone apps and the assumption that all grocery stores should always be fully stocked with every variety of food that consumers may want to buy. In Thailand the customer service was extremely slow and inefficient and the grocery stores were always running out of my staple food items such as chicken and salad so it irked me to hear such complaints from privileged Americans. Good luck customizing ANYTHING on a menu in Thailand unless you speak perfect Thai and have more patience than I ever did. “I’ll have it as it comes” was my motto.

It’s been 2 months and I have mostly adjusted to the “American Way”, but I don’t want to ever forget the simple way of life I experienced in Thailand. It’s something I hold on to because it makes me more compassionate, empathetic and makes me realize just how lucky I am to have been born in the US. I did nothing to deserve being born in the US, just like people who live in developing countries did nothing to deserve being born into those circumstances. It’s luck of the draw.

Still, if someone had told me 10 years ago that I would meet a charming man who would convince me to move to Thailand, I would have thought that person was crazy. But that’s exactly what happened…

I had no less than $2,000 USD in my bank account when I landed in Thailand and no job to speak of. In the past 5 years I have worked at 7 different establishments, gained 10 pounds, lost 15 pounds, travelled to 14 countries, paid off my $12,000 USD student debt, been promoted, been let go (twice), been jobless for 8 months, lost my mind only to rediscover myself and experimented with various lifestyle choices…

If someone had told me that all of these things would come from a rash decision to move across the world to a place I had never been with little money, no job and a shaky plan at best, would I have chosen to stay in my mundane post-college grad life? Hell no. I would have dashed towards the door with my overloaded mail-ordered backpack and never looked back.

I have experienced the entire spectrum of emotions about Thailand, but most of my years spent there were full of internal turmoil. Not because I regretted my decision to go there, but because I couldn’t wrap my head around the new, more difficult situation that was my everyday life. Finding a decent paying job was nearly impossible, working hours were 10+, there were few non-Thai food options and it was difficult to make friends.

I finally snapped out of it 6 months before moving away and was able to see Thailand through new eyes. That will happen when you realize you have a CHOICE in how you handle your emotions. I have no doubt that I will revisit the place that has inspired so much personal growth and change. If being out of your comfort zone guarantees growth, I have done nothing but grow in the past 5 years and Thailand will always have a special place in my heart because of that.

I saw many expats come and go. Many have similar goals- live in Thailand for 1 year and then move back to the real world. Joe and I were not those people and our goals were more long-term if not permanent.

When I decided to move to Florida from Texas for university my family used to always ask, “When are you moving home?” Surely, after the aches and pains I went through to establish FL residency would entitle me to bask in being a Floridian. They never understood that Texas was not and would never again be my “home”. My home is wherever I happen to be residing at the moment- I’m here and I’m living. Why do people need to have a permanent residence each day?

Joe and I kept that way of thinking and made Thailand our home for the time we spent there. When you think that way, you can go anywhere in the world and not be homesick. A true traveler is at home on the road and Joe and I are always happiest on the road. We can do and be anything when we are together no matter where we are.

After 5 years of ups and downs, we decided to leave Thailand for other opportunities. Joe wanted the sabbatical leave more than I did and so I supported his decision. I wanted to spend time with family and make a plan for our next move. He wanted to not work for a while because he was feeling despondent at his job, a feeling that is typical of millennials. I fantasized about being inspired organically by being jobless and homeless in America. No such thing has happened yet. Instead, we have spent far too much money being social and travelling around the states. It’s been a whirlwind to say the least and I have had little time for reflection. This sabbatical hasn’t been what I thought it would be – these things never are. I hoped to write a lot and read even more. I did more of both in Thailand because friends and family get in the way of solitude. It’s a good obstacle to have, I suppose.

I hate to say that I’m starting to feel trapped now that I am in the American system and on the grid again. I love being able to reach friends and family easily, but also miss cut off from the world. I have noticed a difference in my emotions, personality and the way Joe and I interact with each other. It had only been the two of us for so long in Thailand and now there are many external forces that weren’t present in Thailand. I see it as yet another opportunity for growth, but mostly I am ready to leave for another overseas adventure and start working full time again.