Angela Killian

2014 was my 4th full year of living in Thailand (how did that happen?) and my 5th full year of being with Joe. Like others, it began as a rat race to do my best at work while juggling my insatiable appetite for travel and change. I successfully quit a temp job that had taken advantage of me (i.e. refused to pay me or provide the appropriate work permit), played housewife for 6 months and explored South Africa before being catapulted into a new job.

My ex-boss offered me an attractive position at a recently rebranded hotel. Although it was a 1 to 1 ½ hour drive from my house, I couldn’t say no. If nothing else, it was a work permit and something to do during the day. Little did I know how grueling the 3 hours of driving + 10 hours of work per day would be. I made the best of it by downloading all new music and audio books for the bi-daily pilgrimage. Joe encouraged me to stay at the job as long as I could, but assured me that I could quit at anytime. When the job tasks surpassed the compensation I considered quitting, but decided to ask for a raise instead. 3 months after starting I was granted a 50% salary increase. Why? I took the chance and asked for it. If they had denied it, I would have resigned and moved onto something else. Companies will take advantage of you as long as you allow them to. The pay increase certainly makes the daily commute more enjoyable.

Joe and I travelled to Ireland and Scotland for 2 weeks in August / September. We had no intentions of going there so soon in life, but the University of Central Florida was having their first game of the season in Dublin so everything kind of fell into place. As usual, I experienced post-travel depression upon returning to our humble home in Phuket. It always takes a few weeks to readjust to the third world after gallivanting around the first.

Surprisingly, I always experience reverse culture shock and severe guilt every time I return to the United States after having lived in Phuket for so long. I wish Americans grasped just how lucky they are to live there, even with all the societal and governmental flaws. They have hot water in the sink, normal toilets and fully stocked grocery stores. I can’t help but laugh at the various persnickety consumers who have a coronary about a latte that’s too hot or a salad that isn’t tossed enough. Meanwhile, I’m just happy to be sitting in the air conditioning with servers who speak English. Oh, and they have a free public bathroom with toilet paper, paper towels and hot water? Jackpot. Nobody believes me when I tell them I live in Thailand anyways, so I withhold that information now when I visit the U.S. It’s fun to blend in with the “normal people” while keeping such a huge secret to myself. It’s a secret that’s so colossal it has actually changed my entire worldly perspective and reconstructed my whole foundation.

Something happened in 2014 that I never would have imagined. After 10 years of addiction, I gave up coffee. Prior to drinking coffee, I indulged in daily diet sodas to avoid the dreaded caffeine headaches. I gave up all caffeine cold turkey and it was the worst. experience. of. my. life. One full week of flu-like symptoms accompanied with incapacitating headaches. Why would someone do such a thing? I’ve had stomach issues my whole life (Virgo curse) and about one year ago my assumed menstrual cramps were heightened to an unbearable level. After multiple tests at the international hospital in Phuket, they ruled out everything except IBS. Refusing to have a colonoscopy to investigate further, I decided to take matters into my own hands and totally revamped my diet. As luck would have it, the coffee was the culprit in my incessant abdominal discomfort. I drink herbal tea regularly and the occasional caffeinated tea, but I miss coffee every day.

A positive side effect of the revamped diet was effortless weight loss. My belly was no longer perpetually bloated and I shed about 10 pounds. Shorts that were snug when I was 21 years old now fall to the ground. I’m still 9 pounds away from my goal weight, but I’m certain that will be achieved in a couple of months.

It’s no secret that Phuket is not my favorite place in the world to live and I am ready to leave it all to move somewhere else, but how can I despise something that allows so many positive things to flow into my life? New job, huge salary increase, countless travels, healthy living and most importantly, a new perspective.

Instead of focusing on the future so much in 2015, I’m going to focus on the NOW and the future will fall into place. Too much thinking of the future causes anxiety and discomfort. I also want to strive to me unapologetically myself. As the youngest in a large family, I often had to go along with what everyone else was doing / saying / believing to keep the peace. I have always been terrified of hurting someone’s feelings or being disapproved of, even if I don’t care for that person. My family is very non-confrontational and passive aggressive and I don’t want to be like that in my adult life. People may think I’m an “elitist” or “bitchy”, but that’s okay.

Some of my darkest personal moments have occurred in 2013 and 2014, despite all the positives. I started writing this post with the intent of sharing all the positive and negative things from 2014, but once I listed all the positives, the negatives faded away in my head. They were so meaningless and trite that they slipped through my memories. It made me realize that people have the power to do that anytime; to just forget about all the bad things. Why would we want to tote around all that bad energy in our heads anyways?

Joe and I brought in the new year uniquely. We stayed at home, watched movies and fell asleep before 10pm. New Year’s parties are consistently a bust. Why keep doing something out of tradition or superstition that doesn’t make sense or bring enjoyment?

For the first time in YEARS, I woke up at dawn on January 1st hangover-free. It was the best New Years day I’ve had and know it is only the beginning of what’s to come.