Angela Killian

There are some strong opinions out there on housewives.

I too used to scoff at the idea of someone staying at home all day and not contributing to the workforce. “Don’t you get bored? What do you DO all day?” I would ask these housewives. That is, until I became a housewife myself. Not only am I a housewife; I am a housewife with no kids, a maid, gardener and laundry service. I’m actually not even legally married either.

I’ve always supported women who choose to stay at home with their small children, but life is much different when the validation for my “occupation” is nonexistent. “What do I DO all day?” I ask myself.

It’s been 6 months since I have gone to work and I am just beginning to settle into the role. Growing up in a working class family instilled the importance of a hard day’s work and that success comes from doing so. Consequently, the first 3 months of being a housewife were emotionally unbearable and totally questioned my existence as a person. Who am I? What am I doing here? What am I doing with my life? I was embarrassed every time I had to tell people I was a housewife.

It dawned on me that much of people’s self-esteem is the product of their chosen profession. I had no such profession to speak of, so I had no self-esteem. The realization of that epiphany made me angry. Why should people be defined by a job in the machine of the world? Sure, it’s important that we all contribute to the overall advancement of the world, but it doesn’t have to define us. There is so much more to life than 9 – 5.

I am a housewife by choice. I have a bachelor’s degree and extensive work experience. I could easily find a job, but choose to stay at home. My “husband” makes more than enough money to support us both while allowing for ample savings and vacations all over the world. Our relationship has been much better now that I’m not working 50-60 hours per week for peanuts. (The minimum wage in Thailand is $300 USD per month for Thais and foreigners generally earn $1,000 + per month, but that’s a whole other topic.) Not working has allowed me extra time for myself, which I spend – reading, exercising, cross stitching and of course, writing.

It’s not all rainbows and puppies though. I do have some real responsibilities like…

1-Doing the dishes (with no dish washing machine or hot water)

2- Cooking 3 meals per day (fast food / readymade meals are hard to find unless you want a diet of white rice). We also don’t have an oven. That’s right, I cook everything on the 2 propane burners.

3- Going to multiple markets all over the island for groceries 3-4 times per week (stores are terrible at stocking basic necessities, like raw chicken and lettuce). We also have a fridge that qualifies as “mini” in my opinion so it’s impossible to stock up once weekly.

4- Sharing a car with my “husband” to be economical

5- Tidying up the house in between maid visits (we live near the beach and sand is ever present on the floor / furniture)

6- Dropping off, picking up, putting away and ironing laundry

7- Keeping up with appointments and any other errands that must be handled

The most important contribution I make to the household is creating a comfortable, happy and healthy environment. Home cooked meals, a tidy house and clean clothing allows my “husband” to focus on work and provide for us financially. When he is off work, we have time together without having to worry about household chores. He takes care of the money and I take care of the house. That’s the dynamic at the moment and we’re both very pleased with the results. In the future, we plan to switch.

Will I regret taking this time away from the workforce? Possibly, but it’s the choice I have made for this point in time. When the time comes to move to a different country, I will be the first in line for job interviews, assuming the wages are fair. Until then, my “husband” essentially covers my half of living expenses in exchange for taking care of our domestic duties, which I used to take on in addition to a full time job.

I came out on top here, if you ask me and in this day and age when 2 incomes are usually the norm, I feel lucky to have other options.